I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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