Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
