I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
