Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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