Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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