this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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