I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
