Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
