He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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