Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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