She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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