I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
