I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
