Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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