Moan for me like Helen Keller
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
