my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
