Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
