SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
