hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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