he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I smell stomach acid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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