ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
