i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
