I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
