no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
