I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
