he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
