the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
