So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
