Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize