Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
