you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
