i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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