Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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