he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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