I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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