He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
