So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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