i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
