There was a lot of him and a little penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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