I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
where are my eyebrows?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
