Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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