She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
