dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're making bets on your personal life
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
