So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize