Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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