Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
