Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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