You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
