I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
