I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
