please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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