i think my mom watched the whole time
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize