it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
