Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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