Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
