I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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