I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
