They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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