btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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