Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
