I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
