I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
