you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
