**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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