Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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