I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
