Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
