I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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