I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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